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my weekend movie report
Jun. 11th, 2012 12:03 pmWe bucked the trend this weekend and instead of "Prometheus" we saw "Snow White & The Huntsman", which was an engaging and visually sumptuous take on the fairy tale. I liked it; there are a lot of medieval fighting scenes, the magical parts are hallucinogenic and disturbing, and everybody puts in a good day's acting work, from Charlize Theron's Queen (if she's ever turned in a bad performance I've yet to see it) to Chris Pine's drinkin' man Huntsman to a surprisingly Hapsburgian turn by Sam Spruell, an actor I'd never seen in anything before, as the Queen's brother Finn. Kristen Stewart is working hard here, we get the "Runaways" Kristen, not the "Twilight" Kristen. At the end of the day she gets to put on the armor and go running through castles fighting with swords and stuff, and I don't know there's an actor alive who wouldn't want to be in a movie like that.
For all its fairy tale revisionism, this Snow White movie doesn't think it's smarter than the material. There's none of the winky, nudgy, ha-ha, aren't we cute stuff that has been the bane of fantasy films for decades. The picture takes itself seriously and in the end delivers.
OTOH we did finally see John Carter, and it is clear to me why it tanked. There's some great stuff going on in that picture but the enjoyable scenes have to wade through miles and miles of useless back story and needless exposition to get anywhere. Seriously; the movie takes forty minutes to get us to Mars, and another forty minutes to get us to the point where John Carter is actually doing all the John Carter stuff we paid money to see John Carter do. For a film that stars a guy who can leap tall buildings, the picture is weighed down with a ponderous, pompous tone, taking itself WAY too seriously instead of being true to its pulpy adventure story roots. There's no swashbuckling, no up-and-down-stairs swordfights, no duels of honor, none of the fun you might be expecting. Every time you think the picture might be getting into gear, we're brought short by yet another flashback explaining why John Carter Is Mopey and doesn't want to commit himself to fight for the hand of the Princess. LISTEN MOVIE, WE DIDN'T PAY $13 TO SEE JOHN CARTER *NOT* FIGHTING.
We're only given a teeny tiny morsel of the friendship between Tars Tarkas and John Carter, Lynn Collins tries hard but is buried under the weight of Disney wanting the audience to know damn well she isn't just a princess to be rescued but is a super scientist and a Olympic-caliber fencing champion who doesn't want to get married. Also: she is wearing WAY too much clothing. Kitsch is forced to wear some kind of giant harness that frankly makes him look skinny and weedy. He's not, but the harness makes him look so. He does a decent action hero job but if he's supposed to be a Virginian cavalry officer his dialog coach needs some training.
After two hours of this we're given an ending right out of Flash Gordon, and a giant battle during which characters within the film are forced to acknowledge you can't tell the good guys from the bad guys (here's a note for screenwriters. If you find yourself having to insert this into your film, have a word with your costume and prop dept.), and then the end credits roll with possibly the most ponderous, draggy music ever used for a movie in which a man goes to Mars and fights White Apes, and you leave the theater thinking "Wow, what a bore" rather than "How exciting!"
Not saying I didn't enjoy parts - there's an early scene where John Carter is leaping from airship to airship that is a treat. The obligatory "arena" scene where they fight the White Apes is fun, but is about an hour later in the film than it should be. Mars looks an awful lot like Utah, but Utah is pretty. Carter's "dog" Woola was great. In fact the effects and sets, costumes, etc, were terrific. There's a good movie buried somewhere inside there; it's too bad the producers hamstrung themselves rather than just let the material they had speak for itself.
Also: we passed a flea market in the Junction and Shain bought these:
Nightmare fuel for sure!
For all its fairy tale revisionism, this Snow White movie doesn't think it's smarter than the material. There's none of the winky, nudgy, ha-ha, aren't we cute stuff that has been the bane of fantasy films for decades. The picture takes itself seriously and in the end delivers.
OTOH we did finally see John Carter, and it is clear to me why it tanked. There's some great stuff going on in that picture but the enjoyable scenes have to wade through miles and miles of useless back story and needless exposition to get anywhere. Seriously; the movie takes forty minutes to get us to Mars, and another forty minutes to get us to the point where John Carter is actually doing all the John Carter stuff we paid money to see John Carter do. For a film that stars a guy who can leap tall buildings, the picture is weighed down with a ponderous, pompous tone, taking itself WAY too seriously instead of being true to its pulpy adventure story roots. There's no swashbuckling, no up-and-down-stairs swordfights, no duels of honor, none of the fun you might be expecting. Every time you think the picture might be getting into gear, we're brought short by yet another flashback explaining why John Carter Is Mopey and doesn't want to commit himself to fight for the hand of the Princess. LISTEN MOVIE, WE DIDN'T PAY $13 TO SEE JOHN CARTER *NOT* FIGHTING.
We're only given a teeny tiny morsel of the friendship between Tars Tarkas and John Carter, Lynn Collins tries hard but is buried under the weight of Disney wanting the audience to know damn well she isn't just a princess to be rescued but is a super scientist and a Olympic-caliber fencing champion who doesn't want to get married. Also: she is wearing WAY too much clothing. Kitsch is forced to wear some kind of giant harness that frankly makes him look skinny and weedy. He's not, but the harness makes him look so. He does a decent action hero job but if he's supposed to be a Virginian cavalry officer his dialog coach needs some training.
After two hours of this we're given an ending right out of Flash Gordon, and a giant battle during which characters within the film are forced to acknowledge you can't tell the good guys from the bad guys (here's a note for screenwriters. If you find yourself having to insert this into your film, have a word with your costume and prop dept.), and then the end credits roll with possibly the most ponderous, draggy music ever used for a movie in which a man goes to Mars and fights White Apes, and you leave the theater thinking "Wow, what a bore" rather than "How exciting!"
Not saying I didn't enjoy parts - there's an early scene where John Carter is leaping from airship to airship that is a treat. The obligatory "arena" scene where they fight the White Apes is fun, but is about an hour later in the film than it should be. Mars looks an awful lot like Utah, but Utah is pretty. Carter's "dog" Woola was great. In fact the effects and sets, costumes, etc, were terrific. There's a good movie buried somewhere inside there; it's too bad the producers hamstrung themselves rather than just let the material they had speak for itself.
Also: we passed a flea market in the Junction and Shain bought these:
Nightmare fuel for sure!
