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the saturday of TERROR!!
Oct. 31st, 2010 12:44 pmWent out last night to the POWERHOUSE OF TERROR, two haunted attractions down at Col. Samuel Smith Park and Humber College. Long lines, squealing teens, guys in hockey masks with chain-less chainsaws making the teens squeal. We filled out a survey about how we heard about the Charity Haunt and recieved a coupon for $5 off a Saw DVD at HMV. The survey guy asked "So, are you into the Saw movies?" and had no real response for my "Nope."
The line management was actually fairly poor. The line for one of the attractions was right next to the line to buy tickets for everything, so nobody knew which line to get into. Plenty of volunteers to get people to fill out surveys, but nobody wanted to stand in front of the lines and tell people which one was which. Another attraction line went through a tent which inexplicably had some kind of petition requiring signatures from the people in line, so you would have these giant lurches and dead spots while people painstakingly signed their names. This should have been something you do afterwards, I think.
The first one we went into was mostly a dark and annoying maze. It did improve with one of those spinning tunnel things and a combo black-light/bubble machine, which is a cool effect, and to get out you had to force your way through tarps being blown at you from both sides, which is a nice body-horror kind of touch. The second one went through the old powerhouse itself, which has been turned into a community center, and which used to be a mental hospital. AND IT'S REALLY HAUNTED BY REAL GHOSTS!!!!!1!1!1 Which, in terms of the Powerhouse Of Terror, means teens in hospital clothes and prison jumpsuits leap out at you and holler. And when I say "teens" I am using the word to include some 11 and 12 year olds. And they just aren't scary. Unless they're TP'ing your house. On the plus side, this attraction did have a swell 80s MTV effect with lasers and fog - you know, the laser spreads out and makes a flat surface and people hide under and pop up to spook you, that works really well - and there was one narrow hallway that used a mirror on one side to make it look like a deep pit. The mirror was set a few inches below the walkway so that when you try to put your toe on it, THERE'S NOTHING THERE!! A genuinely unsettling illusion.
Earlier in the day we set out to the Meister Markt, an antique sale at the Markham Fairgrounds. Last year it was all indoors but this year the weather was nice enough that some vendors set up outside. Some of the vendors were the same vendors we saw at the Milton show - lady, that's not Felix The Cat, and I'm not paying $22 for it- and most of the vendors were grumbly about the lack of business. I think Halloween weekend is a bad time for this sort of thing- people are getting ready for Halloween. Parents and grandparents are working on kids costumes, buying candy, getting the scary decorations ready, and child-free adults are working on their costumes, buying liqour, and getting the scary decorations ready. But a lot of the junk was overpriced and much of it was stuff you wouldn't want anyway. Shain did find one of those "sad kitty" paintings from the early 70s in a real wood frame, and I got a plastic Eskimo bank. So we got our kitsch fix.
After that we went up the road to Stouffville and to the "Country Market", which is a former fairground building turned into a modern style flea market, you know, discount footwear, cheap Chinese tools, As Seen On TV merchandise, bio-magnetic bracelets guaranteed to keep this river free of Viet Cong water-skiiers. One of the outbuildings was a used book dealer with tons of romance paperbacks along with the SF priced at five and eight dollars each (!!). Don't think so, pal. While we were in there I heard one guy saying to another guy that there was a library sale in Uxbridge. We got in the car and I saw that Uxbridge was just up the road, so to Uxbridge we went. The library sale actually was worth the trip- I got Tuchman's GUNS OF AUGUST and an actual Littles book and some other neat old stuff, all for twenty five or fifty cents each. One of the books was the Medved's HOLLYWOOD HALL OF SHAME, their third book detailing bad movies, and one that teaches us many things about the Medveds; their inherent racism (Wow, you made the "rotsa ruck" joke when mentioning Japan! Four times! In a book written in 1984!! In fact, you are unable to mention any ethnic group without trotting out a 1960s Don Rickles stereotype! Hilarious!!), their political conservatism, their homophobia, and their inability to Play Well With Others, as detailed in their sour-grapes review of the badfilm clip movie "It Came From Hollywood", which apparently bombed because the producers stuck a lot of un-funny Dan Ackroyd and John Candy skits into the film and MOSTLY because the producers ignored the sage advice of the Medveds. It's not often you see somebody throw a hissy fit in print, not in the 80s anyway.
Had an uneventful trip back and then went to the Powerhouse Of Chainsaws, thus bringing my little saga full circle. Tonight I think the plan is to go to Church & Wellesley to wander around and people-watch. Should be some crazy costumes, I saw plenty of people dressed up all over town as we went back and forth.
Tomorrow of course is the big day - Discount Halloween Candy day. Don't miss it!
The line management was actually fairly poor. The line for one of the attractions was right next to the line to buy tickets for everything, so nobody knew which line to get into. Plenty of volunteers to get people to fill out surveys, but nobody wanted to stand in front of the lines and tell people which one was which. Another attraction line went through a tent which inexplicably had some kind of petition requiring signatures from the people in line, so you would have these giant lurches and dead spots while people painstakingly signed their names. This should have been something you do afterwards, I think.
The first one we went into was mostly a dark and annoying maze. It did improve with one of those spinning tunnel things and a combo black-light/bubble machine, which is a cool effect, and to get out you had to force your way through tarps being blown at you from both sides, which is a nice body-horror kind of touch. The second one went through the old powerhouse itself, which has been turned into a community center, and which used to be a mental hospital. AND IT'S REALLY HAUNTED BY REAL GHOSTS!!!!!1!1!1 Which, in terms of the Powerhouse Of Terror, means teens in hospital clothes and prison jumpsuits leap out at you and holler. And when I say "teens" I am using the word to include some 11 and 12 year olds. And they just aren't scary. Unless they're TP'ing your house. On the plus side, this attraction did have a swell 80s MTV effect with lasers and fog - you know, the laser spreads out and makes a flat surface and people hide under and pop up to spook you, that works really well - and there was one narrow hallway that used a mirror on one side to make it look like a deep pit. The mirror was set a few inches below the walkway so that when you try to put your toe on it, THERE'S NOTHING THERE!! A genuinely unsettling illusion.
Earlier in the day we set out to the Meister Markt, an antique sale at the Markham Fairgrounds. Last year it was all indoors but this year the weather was nice enough that some vendors set up outside. Some of the vendors were the same vendors we saw at the Milton show - lady, that's not Felix The Cat, and I'm not paying $22 for it- and most of the vendors were grumbly about the lack of business. I think Halloween weekend is a bad time for this sort of thing- people are getting ready for Halloween. Parents and grandparents are working on kids costumes, buying candy, getting the scary decorations ready, and child-free adults are working on their costumes, buying liqour, and getting the scary decorations ready. But a lot of the junk was overpriced and much of it was stuff you wouldn't want anyway. Shain did find one of those "sad kitty" paintings from the early 70s in a real wood frame, and I got a plastic Eskimo bank. So we got our kitsch fix.
After that we went up the road to Stouffville and to the "Country Market", which is a former fairground building turned into a modern style flea market, you know, discount footwear, cheap Chinese tools, As Seen On TV merchandise, bio-magnetic bracelets guaranteed to keep this river free of Viet Cong water-skiiers. One of the outbuildings was a used book dealer with tons of romance paperbacks along with the SF priced at five and eight dollars each (!!). Don't think so, pal. While we were in there I heard one guy saying to another guy that there was a library sale in Uxbridge. We got in the car and I saw that Uxbridge was just up the road, so to Uxbridge we went. The library sale actually was worth the trip- I got Tuchman's GUNS OF AUGUST and an actual Littles book and some other neat old stuff, all for twenty five or fifty cents each. One of the books was the Medved's HOLLYWOOD HALL OF SHAME, their third book detailing bad movies, and one that teaches us many things about the Medveds; their inherent racism (Wow, you made the "rotsa ruck" joke when mentioning Japan! Four times! In a book written in 1984!! In fact, you are unable to mention any ethnic group without trotting out a 1960s Don Rickles stereotype! Hilarious!!), their political conservatism, their homophobia, and their inability to Play Well With Others, as detailed in their sour-grapes review of the badfilm clip movie "It Came From Hollywood", which apparently bombed because the producers stuck a lot of un-funny Dan Ackroyd and John Candy skits into the film and MOSTLY because the producers ignored the sage advice of the Medveds. It's not often you see somebody throw a hissy fit in print, not in the 80s anyway.
Had an uneventful trip back and then went to the Powerhouse Of Chainsaws, thus bringing my little saga full circle. Tonight I think the plan is to go to Church & Wellesley to wander around and people-watch. Should be some crazy costumes, I saw plenty of people dressed up all over town as we went back and forth.
Tomorrow of course is the big day - Discount Halloween Candy day. Don't miss it!
